Most leaders know feedback matters. In fact, many people actively want feedback. They want to know how they’re doing and how they can improve. So why do so many of us still avoid giving it?
Because feedback can feel personal.
Telling someone they did a great job is usually straightforward. Raising a concern about something that needs to improve is much harder. We worry about how it will land, whether we’ll damage the relationship, or whether the other person will become defensive.
In our experience, that’s why many feedback conversations don’t happen – the worry gets in the way and the conversation is avoided.
Sometimes when the conversation does happen, it goes wrong. The leader arrives prepared to tell. The other person arrives prepared to defend. This disconnect or misalignment means that neither ‘side’ comes away having learned much or feeling good about it.
Over the years, we’ve found that some of the most effective leaders don’t focus on giving better feedback. They focus on creating better reflection.
One of the simplest techniques we teach is called feed-forward. Rather than immediately telling someone what they should do differently, start by inviting them to evaluate their own performance.
Start with three simple questions
• How do you think that went?
• What worked well?
• If you could do it again, what would you do differently?
Then stop.
Listen.
Really listen.
Something surprising often happens.
People frequently identify their own opportunities for improvement before you need to say anything at all. And when they do, they’re far more likely to own the change and carry that forward.
Only then, when the timing feels right, do you add your perspective.
Not a list of things to fix – just one recommendation. One suggestion that could help them move forward.
That’s a very different conversation from what they might have heard with the telling approach – “here’s everything you did wrong.”
Feedback delivered this way feels less like judgement and more like coaching, not surprising given how much we at Updraft believe in coaching.
It allows Leaders to create an interaction that feels less like criticism and more like development.
The best leaders understand that their role isn’t simply to point out gaps. It’s to help people learn, grow and improve. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is ask a great question, pause, and let someone discover the answer for themselves.
Feedback may always feel a little uncomfortable.
But perhaps the goal isn’t to become better at giving feedback.
Perhaps the goal is to become better at helping others think…
What’s the next feedback conversation you need to have?
If you’d like to explore practical ways to build a stronger feedback culture, we’d love to have a conversation.